Finding Fashion

A personal guide for becoming confident in your own style. 

We’ve all been there, staring in the mirror knowing if you actually wear that outfit people are going to notice you. This of course brings the terrifying realization we are constantly being perceived. Will people like it? Will they say rude things about it? What if they pretend to like it and then say rude things behind your back? All of these questions flow into your brain and maybe you decide not to wear the outfit. 

I make bright over the top clothes for a living and still sometimes find myself wondering if I’m being “too much.” Growing up in a tiny mid-western town isn’t an experience I recommend for individualists. As a kid, I would have grown adults telling me I dressed weird. when I was a teenager, I was told by my friends’ parents my dresses were too short and I was being “ungodly” by wearing them. People made assumptions about my sexuality when I cut my hair to a pixie. I even went through a phase where I only wore Bermuda shorts and oversized T-shirts in an effort to fit in. (Hard to believe isn’t it?) When I was in my later teens, I battled depression and anxiety as a result of being bullied and feeling unaccomplished. When I turned eighteen I made a goal; I was going to start doing all the things I’d been afraid to do as teenager because of how people would perceive me. 

I started wearing whatever I wanted, including capes, huge themed earrings and miniskirts. I went to the movies alone, spent my spare time working on my car and saved my money for travel. It took almost a year before I started feeling like myself again. I spent all my savings on two trips the following summer, both of which impacted me on a deeply personal and spiritual level. Then in early fall, I moved to the big city and experienced something completely  unexpected; kindness. Growing up I’d always heard about how rude New Yorkers were, and that’s what I expected to find. Instead I found a community of people who didn’t care how I dressed and accepted me anyway. Don’t get me wrong, there are still plenty of rude New Yorkers! But there’s so many wonderful people there too. 

I took their kindness to heart and learned a lot while I was there. I learned how to express myself without fear of rejection and I learned no matter what you wear, say or do, there will always be people who don’t like it and people who do. 

So why is personal style so important? In short, it’s a practical application of freedom of choice. Wearing the clothes you want to wear gives you a sense of control and comfort. A study I read on Science Direct coined the term “enclothed cognition” referring to how the clothes you wear actually have an effect on how you act. Their study showed people who wore a lab coat to work in the lab were more focused and assured in their work than those who didn’t. They went on to explain that wearing the right clothes often gives us a sense of importance. In an old sewing textbook I read recently the writer suggests “When you sew, make yourself as attractive as possible. Go through your usual beauty ritual. Have on a clean dress, and file your nails.” 

I initially brushed off the advice as midcentury sexism, (the first sentence just sets wrong with me, but the book was published in 1949, so I guess I shouldn’t set high expectations). Though I hate to admit it, I understand their sentiment. If I choose to stay in my pajamas all day I almost always have a less productive day than if I get dressed in something that makes me feel confident. 

So how do we find our personal style? By experimenting! By wearing whatever appeals to us until it comes second nature. In todays world we have access the internet and some of the most valuable tools for developing our own style: documentation and connection. 

Documenting your journey (whether you post it online or not) is a great way to track your progress and see what outfits feel the most like you. 

Connection is equally important because not only does it build community with people it also becomes a resource of inspiration!  Any social media app tends to be a great place to find connections, if you’re on Facebook try finding a group with a similar aesthetic as yours, on Instagram don’t be afraid to reach out to other creators! Most people love to talk about their interests and all you have to do is open the door for conversation. 

Surround yourself with people who encourage you, and distance yourself from those who want to drag you down. Once you start wearing the outfits and stepping out of your comfort zone the confidence will come with it.

-Coco Elouise Marie